Yontif' Yenta (or Roses are Red-ish)

( Recited in  heavy Brooklyn-ese)

Roses are Red-ish,
My Town car is blue-ish.
Did I get a deal?
What do you think? I'm Jewish!

You should meet my son Harry,
Oy! He sent me a canary.

I cooked it in the soup,

Cause all it did was….ooop.

My grandkids? All Einsteins-

(My daughter married a Feinstein.)

My summer condo in Tampa Bay

Is much shtotier than the one in LA.

I had Esty do my face,

The little lines are, takeh, erased!

My nose already looks like a shikseh,

(For once, Marvin says the money was a mitzveh!)

When I walked into Sheel,

You shoulda’ seen their looks-

I’m telling you Shprintza,

It was “ fa-the books!”

-And don’t forget to call your  poor  Mommeh,

You know how hard she slaves,

She orders all your meals for you

And sends Mariana  to clean your place.  

Oy, kids these days, they have it made

They don’t know how hard things were

When we had only one midsized Cadilac

And we scrounged to buy our first fur.

When I think about how we scrimped and saved,

-We took taxi cab's when it was raining!

And all I ask is that you call, once in a while-

Of course, I’m not complaining…

Well, I gotta run, now, ‘cause Paysach is soon,

And  Gawd only knows how much there is to do.

(If I don’t reserve my Kosher Cruise spot now,

G’nendy K’neydle will  get my room!)

It’s been  wonderful schmoozing, Yankle,

Zei Gezint and take good care,

Don’t forget to kiss your Bobby, (there’s a little shmootz over ther,)

-Stop squirming and let me fix your hair!

So what’s a little spit?

We’re family, you shouldn’t care!

( And remember, tata’le, when you go on a bus,

To always put on  clean underwear,

In case you slip, gawdfabbid, on a posickle,

And you have to go to the hospital!)

Now go and make your mishpochah proud,

Earn a few impressive degrees,

An M.D. with an M.B.A.

For you should be a breeze.

Then you’ll make a ton of money,

Buy your wife and kids good things-

Fur coats, designer dresses

And a few gezinte rings.

But most of all, remember that

A heart of gold, a Jewish soul,

These are the most important things-

Give the Rabbi a nice big pledge,

And much nachas to the  family you’ll bring!