The Small that Holds a Bunch

Chaya-le'

What is this unspeakable

Unstoppable unending well of tears?

Wherefrom does it come
And how did it begin?

Who can know the depth of sorrow
That Can be contained
In one small pint sized little girl

How is it explained?

That She can look to others

Like an ordinary girl

But in her heart she carries

An entire huge big world.

A world that's filled with magic,
And the most  enchanted dreams,

Wonders she's created
That no man's ever seen.

And how can it be possible
For someone small like her 

To hold inside an ocean full

Of heartbreak, loss and tears.

Or to store a mountain's worth
Of giggles, laughs and more
You'll chuckle till you split  your sides
And both your cheeks are sore!

And beg her "please! Have mercy!

I can't take it anymore!!

If You make me laugh like this again
I'll roll right into the floor!

And who can calculate the rate
At which her love increases
Shell love you some amd the some more, 
Then love u to all to pieces!

Her love starts out at twenty
Then it jumps to ninety nine
And 'for you know what's happening

It's doubled fifty times!

Untill it fills a planet's worth
Of love-mass, so condensed
That were it to increase some more 

You'd find yourself in France 

And nothing could escape that love
Just like a big black hole
And everything you do, or say,

Just makes her love you more!

And how can one small tiny girl
Imagine so much grace
That all the colors in the world
Aren't enough to paint

The beauty and the magic
All the tiny little curves
That fill her with such wonder
She can hardly speak a word

And every sunset, every time,
Still takes her breath away
And one small kiss can warm her for
A thousand wintery days.

It's impossible to figure out
Just where her faith is stored;
No matter how her troubles grow,
Her faith grows even more.

Don't even try to quantify
The force that holds her dreams
When life says " Just give up. You can't!"
She smacks the wall and screams:

"I can, I can, just look at me,
I'm stronger than you think! you'll see
That while I'm not that big
I'm really ten feet tall inside!"

And at night, sometimes she can't imagine

How she'll face tomorrow,
When she's  reached the breaking point
Of heartbreak, grief and sorrow.

Or how she'll face another day,
When she can barely stand,
Or try ,once more, to try again....
Build castles in the sand.

But slowly, surely, every time

The sun climbs in the sky
She finds her strength renewed again,
And hope and faith, likewise.

As I said, right from the start 
Don't try to understand
How something small can hold so much
It never will make sense.

But if you still are puzzled,
And need to understand
Just ask your heart what does it feel
When you take her hand?

A universe that has no words
A thousand shooting stars
A meadowful of sunshine
And a warmth that fills your heart.

You touch upon the meaning

Of the reason you exist

And once again you start believing
In your secret wish.

And you know with certainty

That life is more than what you see;
And you can climb mount everest
And pass your all-time  greatest tests

Conquer  monsters, like   Lock Ness;

Dive down to find a 

treasure chest,

Then soar up to a mountain cleft

To rescue a baby eagle

That's fallen from it's nest

You can Ride a rainbow accross the sky

To the land of butterflys

And wake up in the morning,

feeling blessed to be alive

When you're with her, you remember

Who you are inside,

A wonderous, miraculous being

With treasures that sparkle and shine.

'Cause she's a magical being

From a faraway magical world.
And now you know the secret
Of this strange unusual girl.

Balance

                           Balance

Choreographed chaos, ordered entropy, volcanic vulnerability, twisted grace with serpentine strength. 

Yin Yang, pendulously poised. 

Perfection. 

(Can someone take me home? Please?) 

 Paradox 

I wish your heart were big enough
To hold the paradox,
That love can burn in icy hell,
And water cut  through rocks.

I know it's hard to wrap your brain
'Round truths that don’t make sense,
(You're  logical insanity 
 Defies intelligence! ) 

We're creatures who cry: 
“Go away!  I'm tweeting 'bout my pain!"

We hate the way things have to be  

Far less than we hate change . 

So, we  blog  about our solitude,
The world knows were alone.
Salvation's great achievement   

Is a broken heart of stone 

And  when we find the one who makes
Our full heart burst
With anguished need, 
We wrap ourselves around them
So damn tight, they cannot breathe.

While crying out in Martyred bliss
"Do you have to run, Elise?"
As we shov her last pink underwear 
Into a small valise.

Have you never loved to death
Someone you can't stop wanting,
Yet everytime  you're near her  

All your loving turns to  fighting?

You  dream of about her day and night 

She's always in your on your mind,  
Yet when you finally hold her near, 
You split her open wide. 

And all the words you longed to whisper

In the still of night,
Choke inside your trembling heart
And nothing comes out right.

And even when you flash upon
The oneness of all things,
You fixate on the details
Till your ears begin to ring;

And then you can’t remember
All the things that you forgot,
Repeating over  endlessly
That which matters not.

And in the end you find yourself
Just where you began,
Having lost much more than all
The stuff you never had.

And all your words are emptiness,
Your screams cannot be heard.
And all your running drags you back  

Down to the  hungry earth.

And you wake up, and it’s yesterday,
And your New York Times is old,
And you chew your soggy  cornflakes. 
Did you even wash the bowl?

One moment holds eternity,
Stop looking and you'll see,
That all you have is what you give,
Submission sets you free.

If only you'd stop  "listening"
You'd hear my silent scream,
Look into my eyes and see
The well from which you dream. 

Stop trying to try stopping,
And you'll start to see the end,
Of the prison you've created
With you desperate attempts.

To change what is unchangeable,
To turn the tide around,
To stop the robin's singing
'cause you cannot bear the sound.

Of your wild heart that’s pounding,
As you take the garbage out,

Wond'ring  if you're really here
Cuz all you know is doubt.

And every reassurance
Multiplies uncertainty,
So you throw out all your treasures
And protect your poverty.

As you bring inside the trash cans,
Making sure they're all still full,
Then drag  your safe deposit box

Out to the empty  curb.  

Wondering why all your stuff 
Leaves you wanting, more and more,

While what you fill your soul with
Leaves you hollow to the core.

And makes you go around in circles,
Seeking what you found,
Only to begin once more 
Dancing round and round.

Until you can't remember
Which way’s up and which way's down,
And your sense of misdirection
Is increasingly profound.

And you start having second thoughts
'bout what you doubt is true,
And your brain begins transforming
'Till you're not quite sure you're you,

And if you even had a name
That everyone misspells,
And why you said  "its heaven!" 
When you always knew it's  hell! 

And beg with final ragged breath:
"Please save me, kill me now!
I'd rather die in your embrace
Than live my life without."

And in the dark you scream your guts
Exquisite agony,
Seeking sweet salvation
In the arms of your defeat.

And tenderly you grab me,
Push me hard with biting need,
Beseeching my resistance
With uncompromising greed;

To feel my power matching yours,
Locked in mortal dance,
When blades clash hard, your spirit soars
Bloody vict'ry of romance.

And in your dreams you find me,
And I’m begging on my knees,
As you draw me close and kiss me
And  whisper to me "please!"

Hold your hand and tell you,  
Everything’s gonna be all alright,
Keep the sun from setting
‘Cause you’re terrified of night.

As you claw my skin
And dig within
And turn me inside out,
Searching for your car keys 
Cause you need them to get out.

You’re dying from existing 

In this prison  you call home,
Entrapped within the  checkerboard
Of all the things you know

Sensing there’s a greater truth
Than all the lies you’ve heard
A perfect note to harmonize
The cacophony of words

Words that search in monochrome  

To grasp complexity 
Oh! Child of infinity 

Can you know what is  unkown?   

I  live, I die, to set you free.  

So take my hand, be still and small 
And join your heart with mine-    

And fly to where the sun and moon  

And day and night entwine 

Where two are one and one is none 

And truth may never rhyme

It's the crazy, most amazing place 

It's the paradox called "Love."  

 

Ve-Emunatecha Ba-Leilot

They asked her “what’s important?”

As the sun began to set.

“To set the night ablaze with light,

To dance without regret.” 

And would you, if could you, recoup what you spent,

Gathering stars, building castles of sand?

I’d do it all over, and over again,

“Till hope overflows like the sea floods the land.

And when you have just one day left

How would you spend it then?

I’d scatter my love from the mountains above, 

Spend it all, ‘till there’s none to be spent. 

  And as the day turned into night 

They asked her, “are you scared?” 

As the Canyon down below their perch 

Grew dark and disappeared.

They hear her laughter echo ‘cross the endless sea of stone 

As she turned and leaped without a word 

Into the dark unknown. 

    

        

 

 

V'Emunatchas Ba-leilot 

They asked her “what’s important?”

As the sun began to set.

“To set the night ablaze with light,

To dance without regret.” 

 

                                                           And when you have just one day left,

                                                           How will you spend it, then?

                                                           I’ll scatter my love from the mountains above,

                                                           Spend it all, till there’s none to be spent. 

                                                            

                                                           And would you  if  could you recoup all you spent   

Gathering stars, building castles of sand?

I’d do it all over, and over again…

Till  hope overflows, like the sea without end.     

 

And as the day turned into night,

They asked her “are you scared?”

As the canyon 'neath their windy perch,

Grew dark and disappeared.   

 

They heard her laughter echo

‘Cross the endless sea of stone

As she turned and leaped, without a word,

Into the dark unknown. 

                                                                                                  

Cherry Bury Boom

When I die please bury me

Underneath a cherry tree

And I shall blossom with each  spring

And scatter my loveliness, free.

When I die, weep not for me

For at last I'm free

To cross  the sky, with wings stretched wide 

And span the vast blue seas.

And when it's time to say good bye,
Please know I loved you so,

And keep me in your heart, all warm, 

Where my spirit shall live and grow.

 

And in the springtime, every year,
When white gives way to green
You'll sit beneath my lovely tree
As I shower you with pink.

Then close your eyes and run your hands

All through the petal covered deep,

And in that soft, pink fragerant bed

You'll lay your head to sleep.

And in your dreams you'll hear my laughter

And you shall remember, then,

This sad, dear, joyful girl.

I loved you so, please don't forget

Despite the ice and rain,

For after winters cold, and gray

Each spring I'll bloom again.

For Jen

Why? Why can't you hear me
When I  tell you  who I am ?
What I know  and what I need...
And what I understand.

My home is where the stormy sea
Surrenders to the sand.
I am the rushing tide that leaves
Faint sparkles in your hand

Why do you  keep speaking?
I can't shout above the noise.
If you stopped and let me listen  
You would understand  the choice...

And in the silence in- between
You'd hear my thunderous shout
Vowing my undying love,
Before the tide rolls out...

Why? Why can't you feel  me
Reaching desperate for your hand,  
Whispering your hallowed  name
Again, and again, and again.

My home is where the stormy sea
Surrenders to the sand.
I'm the rushing tide that leaves
Bright sparkles in the sand.  

Regret

Dark and wet, 

You mark each step 

That stretches "tween

Your birth nd death 

Desperate 

to free the breath

That chokes inside 

Your burning chest.

Raging  yet,
You claw to get
Both arms around
Her beating breast.

And squeeze until 
You squeeze to death, 

That gentle bird , 

She called Regret. 

Warm Vanilla Pies

Warm Vanilla Pies 

Every lie 

You ever told 

Is smeared over your face 

Like warm vanilla shit that's dried 

Into a viscous paste 

That every day you squeezed into 

my ears and said "Oh, hey!" 

"I'm gonna push and squeeze  until 

you learn to  love the taste" 

I threw it up, I threw it down, I covered the whole place 

I covered you, I covered me,  until there was no trace 

Of anyone who ever lived outside your crazy maze. 

And then I opened all the doors 

And walked into the rain. 

 

Without Regret

 

V'Emunatchas Ba-leilot 

They asked her “what’s important?”

As the sun began to set.

“To set the night ablaze with light,

To dance without regret.” 

 

                                                           And when you have just one day left,

                                                           How will you spend it, then?

                                                           I’ll scatter my love from the mountains above,

                                                           Spend it all, till there’s none to be spent. 

                                                            

                                                           And would you  if  could you recoup all you spent   

Gathering stars, building castles of sand?

I’d do it all over, and over again…

Till  hope overflows, like the sea without end.     

 

And as the day turned into night,

They asked her “are you scared?”

As the canyon 'neath their windy perch,

Grew dark and disappeared.   

 

They heard her laughter echo

‘Cross the endless sea of stone

As she turned and leaped, without a word,

Into the dark unknown. 

                                                                                                  

Sunshine berry jam

                                         

Sunshine-berry jam 

Here's a secret  recipe,

Passed down since time began, 

From Grandma's hands to Aunty-Anne's, 

For  sunshine-berry jam.

You start by sending Rosa-lee 

To ring dear Sara's bell, 

With one large bowl of  homemade smiles

And  wishes  to get- well. 

Then call your dear friend  Ellie- May   

To ask  "how is  your Mom?" 

And here's some fresh baked muffins

And a jar of homemade jam

Then run along and tidy up, 

(Make sure to wipe the sills) 

And don't to stop and pick 

Some sunny daffodils.

Put one  bunch on the table

And small one by the sink, 

To cheer the one who washes. 

While they hum along and sing:

" The secret to good recipes, 

What makes life so de-lish, 

Is sharing  what you have inside, 

The kindness in your wish.

It's all the love you pour into  

The small things that you do, 

The comfort, hope and hugs that go 

Into a bowl of  soup. 

So here's the secret recipe,

Passed down since time began 

From grandmas hands to aunty Anne's, 

For  sunshine-berry  jam:

You start with one large cup of love 

Two pounds of hope and faith 

Three heaping spoons of laughter 

And touch of social grace.

Combine these all with humor,

Simmer low, with loving care, 

When all the giggles bubble up- 

You'll have sweet jam to share!  

Did I Ask My Love to Whisper...?

Did I ask my love to whisper 

Why he loves me, loves me not, 

So his soft lips could remember 

All the kind words he forgot? 

If the sun remained in  hiding 

'hind the storm clouds every day   

Would wee oak trees keep on trying 

To reach heaven's golden rays? 

Now, I'll ask you, Dearest Darling, 

One small question: Do you know

If the dew got tired of dew-ing 

Who would kiss the sweet red rose? 

Do you think a girl can blossom 

Like a rosebush, late in in June,  

From the love that shines all brightly 

In your secret, dark cocoon ? 

I need raindrops, I need thunder, 

I need moonlight in my hair

Feel the wild storm-wind blowing, 

Drink the lusty midnight air, 

See the sunlight brightly sparkle   

As it dances on the sea, 

Feel your heart in mine, like thunder 

When you whisper, you need me. 

True compassion

(Excerpt from the upcoming book "Living in Love; Making Miracles" by L.S.) 

....It seems to me that being completely responsible is at the very heart of compassion. How else can we be an unstoppable wellspring of love, or the space in which others unspeakable beauty and perfection spontaneously occurs and shines brightly? 

And while It's nice to talk about loving Gods holy children and drawing them near, to do this on a practical level, requires choosing to to be miraculous, over and over again. Embracing another wholly, and loving them exactly as they are and as they are not. 

This is particularly true when it comes to our closest relationships. It's so easy to see how others are not behaving as they ought to, not being as wonderful as they should, evidenced by our continued lack of joy/love/happiness/fun/ intimacy/nachas/fulfillment/health/ affirmation/success in relationships/ chocolate covered Mars bars....whatever! 

And the more we want others to be different, unfortunately, the more they seem to stay the same. And as our frustration increases, so does our sense of helplessness and despair. "Why can't she just stop trying to change me? Why does she keep wanting me to be different than I am? When will she see and accept me for all my good qualities? Why do you always have to keep focusing on the negative?!!" 

This particular song goes very well as a duet, by the way, and can be amazing when it's sung in rounds. The tune is quite repetitive and has a contagious  rhythm. 

(To be continued...) 

Heaven And Hell

Heaven and Hell

It occurred to me this morning

As I trudged across the snow,

That heaven's not so far away

And Hell's a place I know.

Heaven's where I go at night

When I'm curled up and warm,

The world's asleep, it's quiet and

I climb inside a poem.

It doesn't matter who, or where

Or when the tale occurs,

What matters is that I'm transported

To a magic world.

Where who I am, and what I dream,

Flow freely, taking shape,

And come life, in color

 On a far, enchanted page.

And all the love that's in my heart,

The playful fun things too,

Become as real as how I feel

Whenever  I'm with you.

And even if I cannot stay 

Where rainbow dreams come true,

My heart still beats

When 'er I  read

About a sky so blue,

And dream of gazing in stream, 

So clear and cool and deep. 

Beneath majestic, sweeping clouds,

That crown great mountain tops,

Where two dear, Snow White turtle doves

Sing softly, of their love.

And in the emerald valley 

That rolls gently, far bellow, 

One thousand  brilliant butterflies 

Dance gently, to and fro. 

Over a sea of wildflowers, 

Decked in colored crowns, 

Reflecting sunlight's golden rays

Like jewels upon the ground.

And everything that's beautiful;

Kindness, hope and peace

Fill the world until there's 

No place  left for pride, or grief.

Here's where I can freely be 

 Just who I am, inside,

An endless spring of happiness,

A spirit soaring high!

Heaven's where my soul exists,

But Hell is where I'm living,

And I can't seem to find my way

Back to the beginning.

Back to when it was so clear

The best gifts come  from giving.

And hell turns into heaven when

We let out heart start living. 

And so I'm back to writing rhymes,

About my favorite place and time,

And dreaming of the heaven that

I find inside a rhyme. 

Heaven's In a Pen

It occurred to me this morning

As I trudged across the snow,

That heaven's not so far away

And Hell's a place I know.

Heaven's where I go at night

When I'm curled up and warm,

The world's asleep, it's quiet and

I climb inside a poem.

It doesn't matter who, or where

Or when the tale occurs,

What matters is that I'm transported

To a magic world.

Where who I am, and what I dream,

Flow freely, taking shape,

And come life, in color

 On a far, enchanted page.

And all the love that's in my heart,

The playful fun things too,

Become as real as how I feel

Whenever  I'm with you.

And even if I cannot stay 

Where rainbow dreams come true,

My heart still beats

When 'er I  read

About a sky so blue,

And dream of gazing in stream, 

So clear and cool and deep. 

Beneath majestic, sweeping clouds,

That crown great mountain tops,

Where two dear, Snow White turtle doves

Sing softly, of their love.

And in the emerald valley 

That rolls gently, far bellow, 

One thousand  brilliant butterflies 

Dance gently, to and fro. 

Over a sea of wildflowers, 

Decked in colored crowns, 

Reflecting sunlight's golden rays

Like jewels upon the ground.

And everything that's beautiful;

Kindness, hope and peace

Fill the world until there's 

No place  left for pride, or grief.

Here's where I can freely be 

 Just who I am, inside,

An endless spring of happiness,

A spirit soaring high!

T William P.U.

T. William P.U. 

There was a young man 

Not too big, or too tall, 

Who lived in Pugkipsee  

(Not a clean town at all.) 

One  morning my  friend 

 T. William P.U.

Accidentally stepped 

In some new doggy- doo

While hopping and skipping 

On his way to school. 

He tried to swipe it 

On Mrs. B's  yard,  

But the $h!t wouldn't stick,  

(So he tried on  her car.) 

 

And while some got lodged

'Tween the grills and the hood,

The  chrome was still show'n

(Which was not very good.)

But, then as he walked,   

Willy spied, on the line 

A lacy white shirt 

That she'd hung out dry 

 

Well....

The shirt got all gooey,

Brown grass stains, and foo-ey

The poo-stuck all poo-ey

The nothing he knew-ey 

And still, on the shoe  

Of T. William P.U. 

Who thought long and hard 

About what he should do....

And after about 

A moment or two 

He frog-leaped the  fence 

And jumped into the pool

Belonging to Mrs. B's 

Neighbor, O'Tool, 

Who happened to be 

Willy's teacher, at school.

Well, the water got muddy, 

Banana fudge, runny, 

It soaked through his sox  

Which by now, were quite gummy. 

(But as He looked down 

Willy's  blue shoes were 

brown! 

And the prints that they made 

Looked like -fudgy- coolaide. )

So, he tried running fastly,  

All up-down the street, 

Frontways, then sideways, 

While dragging his feet, 

But the poo on his shoe, 

Just grew and it grew,

As the sticky shoe gunk 

Started picking up junk. 

Like milk duds and marbles 

And gobs of green gum, 

Pop tops and papers, 

And chocolates with rum. 

One squirrel, two kittens, 

A bird's nest, six bees, 

Five lanterns, a kite, 

(On his way up a tree.) 

A pigeon got nabbed 

Along with two geese, 

While they pecked at a trash-pickle- 

Sandwich, with cheese. 

And as He kept running

All through that small town, 

A crowd starting forming, 

As word spread around-

"T. William P.U. 

And his magical shoes, 

Are cleaning the city" 

They said, in the news. 

"Those shoes that he's wearing, 

Have some kind of spell, 

That cleans our whole city, 

( But what IS that smell?!) " 

And as he arrived 

At the outskirts of town, 

Poor Willy was zonked

So he plunked himself  down 

But those shoes with the poo, 

Had grown past twelve feet tall, 

And each seat he sat on 

Was way way too small 

'Till at last, he did  plop

'Top a great big ',ole rock  

Took off his  shoes, 

And his gooey brown sox-

Then he picked himself up, 

On his bare, little feet, 

Walked home, got in bed, 

And fell right back asleep. 

And when woke up 

After three days and nights, 

Wee Willy was met 

With a giant surprise! 

The townspeople'd gathered;  

The mayor arrived, 

And willy was blindfold

 And taken outside 

The townsfolk all  gathered 

Yelled "open your eyes!"

For they'd built a great statue  

To honor brave Willy 

The  hero who'd cleaned up 

Their once dirty city.  

And forever and after, 

Each bird, duck and goose, 

In Pugkipskee knew just 

Where to fly when they....oop!  

The Me in You

The Me in You 

Do you know how blessed you are 

To have been adored, 

By one who's heart returns to yours  

Like the oceans, to the shore?  

And treasured, as you are, today 

And as you dream to be, 

As bright and clear and hopeful,  

As the sunrise, on the sea. 

How precious, to be honored by 

A girl, moved by your broken sighs; 

Like weathered stones, relentless time's 

Perfected with the tide.

And if you're  blessed to love someone, 

As constantly as  I 

You'll know my love endures until  

The stars burn from the sky.

And I shall then, spend starless nights,

Wishing you were here,

While in my heart I hold you close, 

And whisper in your ear:

If you know I love you, dear,

I'll know you love me too,

'Cause deep inside my inner heart 

Resides a gem called "you."

And just as waters mirror

What a man can never hide,

The heart of one who loves his friend,

Sees what's concealed, inside. 

Those truths, that travel on the wind, 

That whispered hearts confide; 

Oaths vowed, that naught in heaven, 

Nor on earth, shall them divide.

So, if you wonder whether,  

This sweet song I sing is true, 

Just look inside those deep, blue eyes...

And ask the me in you.

I guarantee, 

That you shall see, 

I love you more  

As you love me. 

Until way past eternity, 

Sent from my iPhone

Across the plain

Trees rustle,

Once again, 

Singing softly 

To the wind.

Lone bird stirs

Taking flight 

Into darkened 

Arms of night.

And I'm alone 

Still as stone 

To witness birth  

Of heaven and earth 

The  sigh, 

Of solitary  wind 

At night, 

Gently stirring 

fragile leaves, 

In love-making symphony 

Rustling trees. 

Death to life, 

Seasons change.

Birds depart 

Trees remain, 

Winter follows 

Autumn's rain 

And as my life 

Transforms, again, 

The wind blows on, 

Across the plain. 

Sent from my iPhone

El Vaja Definitivo By Juan Ramon Jimenez

El Vaja Definitivo

By Juan Ramon Jimenez 

(The Definitive Journey

Translation by Lila Robertson, 2002)

...Y yo me ire. Y se quedaran los pajaros cantando,

y se quedara mi huerto, con su verde arbol, 

y con su pozo blanco.

Todas las tardes, el cielo sera azul y placido, 

y tocaran, como esta tarde estan tocando

las campanas del campanario.

Se moriran aquellos que me amaron, 

y el pueblo se hara nuevo cada año, 

y en el rincon aquel de mi huerto florido y encalado, 

mi espíritu errara nostaljico...

Y yo me ire, y estare solo, sin hogar, 

sin arbol verde, sin pozo blanco, 

sin cielo azul y placido...

y se quedaran los pajaros cantando.

..and I will be gone. And the birds will still be singing, 

and here will stay my field, with it’s tree so green

and it’s white well.

Every evening, the sky will be blue and peaceful, 

and the bells will play, like they play this evening, 

together in the church tower.

Those, the ones who loved me, will die, 

and the village will become new with each year, 

and in that corner of my flowered and whitewashed field

my spirit will wander longingly...

And I will be gone, and I’ll be alone, with no home, 

without any tree so green, without any a white well…

without a blue and peaceful sky…

And the birds will still be singing.